We have people on street corners too, but we also have a product with a million uses. It's called duct tape, and it's the federal government's answer to homeland security.

Here are some of the other wonderful uses of duct tape:

2) To cover the mouths of multiple talk show guests until it’s their turn to talk.

3) To cover the lens of observation cameras.

4) Across the heads of politicians to soften the blow of hitting their heads on the debt ceiling every six months. (Can be applied under wigs)

5) Put on your dog's tail, it gives him something to chase.

6) As Bush family origami.

7) With some bailing wire it can make a home for the homeless.

8) As a stretcher you can turn upside down making it easier to pick up the critically wounded.

9) Like above, it's also good to make a hammock you can't fall out of.

10) Excellent seat belt for cats.

11) To cover holes in windows.

12) To put your broken taillights back together.

13) To replace space shuttle tiles while in orbit.

14) To cover, hide, and place extension cords.

15) As a jock strap for Bill Clinton.

16) Cheaper than handcuffs and more available.

17) To repair the hem of a skirt.

18) As a depilatory tool.

19) To put across the doors of Congress until they arrive at a budget resolution.

20) To seal boxes full of stuff, put them away, and never open them again like last year’s budget.

21) To bundle free AOL browsers received by mail while the government sues Bill Gates for giving away his browser.

22) To make a ball when there's no snow to throw.

23) To seal an alligator's jaws.

24) To cover the monitors of millionaire news readers in hopes they will go back to straight and honest reporting without opinion and snide remarks.

25) To repair carpet.

26) To double seal your stash in a zip-loc bag.

27) To cover John Ashcroft's color coded terror alert scale and the national debt marquee that has been re-erected in Times Square.