The Arkansas Democrat-Gazette

January 09, 2002, Wednesday

SECTION: EDITORIAL; Pg. B11

War on terrorism takes a comic turn

by Gene Lyons

In its televised form--never to be confused with reality--the war on terrorism has settled into that most familiar American genre: the revenge comedy.

Possibly the only original form our country has contributed to film narrative, the revenge comedy features a deadly, wisecracking hero played by Clint Eastwood, Bruce Willis or Mel Gibson who restores the peace by blowing away ragged armies of villains while making flippant, pithy asides.

Almost needless to say, this is precisely the role President Bush's handlers have scripted for him, one for which his limited thespian abilities are perfectly suited. So far he's played it to perfection, as opinion polls reflect. Osama bin Laden has helped by casting himself as an Arabic-speaking version of Hans, the arrogant Euro-trash villain who hijacks (of all things) a Los Angeles skyscraper in "Die Hard."

American audiences, men particularly, eat this stuff up. They're the male equivalent of Harlequin romances, fantasy projections of virile decisiveness and sexual potency. Not for nothing were there five films in Eastwood's "Dirty Harry" series, four "Lethal Weapon" vehicles for Gibson and three episodes of Willis' "Die Hard."

That said, here's the problem with the genre from a political point of view: As anybody who's seen more than two "Dirty Harry" or "Lethal Weapon" films knows, the longer the series, the more familiar its elements become, thus diminishing the formulaic revenge part of the plot and emphasizing the comedy.

The first "Dirty Harry" was a scary urban thriller. By the time "The Dead Pool" rolled around, Eastwood was verging on self-parody. "Action and chuckles are in abundance as our hero tracks down a weirdo who is murdering celebrities on a list that also carries Harry's name" is how Martin and Porter's "Video Movie Guide 2002" describes it.

In the first "Lethal Weapon," the Gibson character's deadliness derived from suicidal indifference to his own survival. By "Lethal Weapon 4," he was doing slapstick with Joe Pesci and Chris Rock between shootouts.

That's the danger for Bush. Hailed by poll-reading pundits as the living incarnation of Churchill and Charlemagne for standing tall as the (supposedly Clinton-depleted) U.S. military chased a few thousand hated foreigners out of one of the most remote and backward nations on earth--it's a stretch to call Afghanistan a country at all--Bush and his advisers must now cast around for a second act.

The president hit his apex a few weeks back when Tim Russert and Rudy Giuliani on "Meet the Press" actually urged Laura Bush to affirm that her husband had been chosen by God to save the United States.

The transcript of this ludicrous exchange, which has to be seen to be believed, can be found on the mediawhoresonline.com Web site. Fortunately, the first lady had the good sense to gently remind the overheated pundit that God doesn't choose presidents. She was so gracious, I'll restrain myself from snide remarks about who did choose this one.

But back to "Getting Osama II." Somalia beckons, even weaker and more disorganized than the mighty Taliban. Revenging the disastrous Bush/Clinton foray depicted in "Black Hawk Down" does have thematic appeal.

Unlike his father and Bill Clinton, Bush has the political backing to run al-Qa'ida out of East Africa, too. Then what? Yemen? At least in theory, a war against an abstract noun like "terrorism" might never end.

Attacking Iraq, a secular military dictatorship not involved in the 9/11 attacks, has been bruited about, but that's a tougher proposition. Iraq does have an army; the U.S. would have few allies and no surrogates to do the ground fighting.

First, though, bin Laden must be taken. Clearly, Bush's handlers worry that the Afghan movie won't be over until the bad guy is dead, but that Hollywood convention exists because nobody knows if there will be a sequel until the first picture's a hit. In the real world, Americans remain united and determined to see bin Laden and his terrorist network destroyed, although Republicans would have been wiser to wait for Bush to succeed before blaming Clinton for failing.

Anyhow, here's what Bush can't do: He can't expect the action/adventure persona to carry him after the war simmers down. The president badly flubbed his weekend exchange with Sen. Tom Daschle over the nation's entirely predictable (and predicted) return to deficit spending, economic stagnation, and the inevitable abandonment of his campaign vows about prescription drug benefits, Social Security reform, Medicare and Medicaid fixes, educational improvements, etc.

Daschle's one-liner about the GOP's belief in tax cuts as a cure for the common cold was ruefully funny. Besides making no literal sense, Bush's retort that "not over my dead body" would anybody raise taxes--something Daschle hadn't proposed--fell flat, only reminding us that neither wit nor arithmetic is his strong point. Clint Eastwood or Bruce Willis he ain't. Sad to say, he isn't even Mike Huckabee.

Gene Lyons is a Little Rock author and recipient of the National Magazine Award.