Sheriff Quick has demanded that the Fertilfingers provide credible evidence that yes, they have no bananas. Provide proof that any bananas they might have had were all thrown out with the garbage.

The Fertilfingers say that at one time they may have had some bananas or the idea of getting some, but there are not any in their house now. The Sheriff is welcome to send his inspection team into their home to look around all they want. Fannie will show them all the nooks and crannies and Felix will keep the pets out of the way.

The Sheriff says that he has absolute proof they have bananas but will not show that proof to anyone including his inspectors. He also says that if the inspectors don't find a single banana it will only prove how good the Fertilfingers are at hiding them. He keeps demanding credible evidence that the bananas were thrown out.

Fannie says the credible evidence is that they're gone. There aren't any bananas in the house. But the Sheriff doesn't accept that. Fannie counters by singing "nothing from nothing is nothing, so how am I supposed to prove that?"

Initial interviews and debriefings of neighbors and the garbage handlers have led nowhere. The neighbors don't remember much and the garbage men say they pick up so many banana peels they can't remember which house threw them out. This only broadens the Sheriff's inquiry.

One neighbor says that he doesn't even like bananas and would never think of bringing any home. About the only time he might have a banana is with ice cream and syrup down at the local Dairy Queen.

Another oriental neighbor says that he loves bananas, has a bunch of them in his house, and will "whomp anyone upside the head" who tries to come in or make him stop eating them. The Sheriff has had dealings with this guy before and several in his squad were injured. He's trying to negotiate with this man but can't seem to find any common ground. It doesn't help that the Sheriff has been badmouthing and telling everyone what a kook this guy is.

Experts have been on television and radio every day extolling the dangers in distilling potassium from bananas and the evil things that can be done with it.

A couple of the neighbors say that it takes years to cook or boil down the potassium in enough bananas and if something like that were going on at the Fertilfinger's house they would have smelled it or noticed the smoke.

Others to the South say that they're sick and tired of having the Sheriff's men around. They are even dropping their Neighborhood Watch program and want the Sheriff's advisors to get the hell out.

Chaquita Gonzalez, the check-out girl at the local super, says that it's the Sheriff's men who buy lots of bananas and they ought to police themselves. But the Sheriff thinks she's got his people confused with firemen who are always buying food at the market. Everyone knows that the Sheriff's men hang out at Dunkin Donuts.

Just when things were starting to calm down and it looked like the Sheriff's men were not going to find anything, one of them looked into a closet of spring clothes and found a long ticker-tape from the supermarket in the pocket of one of Felix's lightweight coats. And what do you suppose was on the ticker-tape? Bananas.

Aha, yelled the Sheriff. I knew you had bananas. This proves it.

He got very belligerent and told the Fertilfingers; "If you don't come clean now we're going to demolish your house. I've got bulldozers, backhoes, and a crane with a big steel ball, right around the corner that will do the job in no time. We got all this stuff from neighboring Cutter and I can bring in the army too."

But Felix said; "Are you nuts? That ticker-tape is six months old. We ate those bananas long ago. Besides, if I were up to something nefarious would I keep the paperwork hanging around? The bananas weren't under warranty you know and I'm not turning it in on my income tax."

Besides the ticker-tape, they found Chaquita Gonzalez's home phone number in the same jacket. The plot thickens.

It has come to the point where everyone hopes that the Fertilfingers will just pack up and move out of town before this escalates into a physical confrontation. The Sheriff would gladly accept that, but then he's got to turn to other houses. This isn't just a local phenomenon you know. Bananas are everywhere.