Come rain or shine, Jack was always there to see clearly what must be done. No hesitation. No mealy-mouthed debate. No thought of saving himself. Jack just plunged right in and got things done.

Then came Korea, the battle over the 38th parallel. In their infinite wisdom, the military geniuses sent our boys over there in summer uniforms. Freezing and losing fingers and toes to frostbite, thousands of soldiers wrote home to ask mom to send sweaters, long underwear, warm hats and gloves, anything to help.

And guess what else is on the 38th parallel. You got it, the Pentagon, headquarters for our military planners. Rather than look out the window to see what the weather was like, these brilliant strategists must have thought that the sun discriminated as the earth turned. Maybe mountain regions would be warmer because they're closer to the sun.

The oxymoron "military intelligence" took hold, and Jack Armstrong fans began to lose faith in the institutionalized other. The guy in a white lab coat in some back room inventing things to make life better. Groups of them working hard to overcome life's difficulties, probably building bombs.

Today, we've got 150,000 troops already surrounding the desert country of Iraq with another 100,000 to be deployed soon. By May, temperatures will reach 125 degrees on Iraq's deserts and between February and May the muddy season sets in making it virtually impossible to move. Do you think the Pentagon will ignore climatic conditions again?

Wolf Blitzer just interviewed the former U.S. Ambassador to Iraq. This informed gentleman said that after the first Persian Gulf War he "did not think that a dictator in fatigues could last." Isn't that a brilliant thing to say when we've had exactly that sort of man 90 miles off our Florida Coast for 43 years? Maybe cigars make the difference.

On the same day, our President said that he was "sick and tired of games and deceptions" with Sadaam Hussein. This coming from a man who has absolute proof that Iraq has weapons of mass destruction but will not show that proof to anyone. A man who has run up our national debt $600 billion ($598.3 billion) in the last 15 months and who also holds $1.33 trillion in bogus bonds in the equally bogus Social Security Trust Funds. All because the government has continually played a pretentious game of borrowing entitlement surpluses.

It reminds me of a little ditty I wrote just after the invasion of Haiti. An invasion that whipped up the country and took place shortly after the HillBillary health bill died and the Clinton crime bill had been watered down to almost nothing.

The Oval Office

"It's time for something boys. Something bigger than the Serbs and Croatians. Maybe even bigger than the O.J. saga. And if not bigger, how about more dramatic?

Let's send the swat team down to Haiti to surround the place with firepower and ready to snuff out their military dictators. We'll get Dan Rather and Tom Brokaw on location in their starched safari jackets interviewing General Cedras about his willingness to die fighting for his country and showing the tattered Haitian army taking up position.

Then, as a last resort, we'll send good old Jimmy Carter and some other popular figures, how about Colin Powell, down for one last ditch attempt at negotiation. In the eleventh hour, at the very last minute, maybe even after the invasion has started, we'll have Jimmy call to tell us it's all settled. We win.

We'll get tremendous coverage on all sides leading right up to this last minute finish.

It doesn't matter if the American people are against an invasion now, because we'll win without really having an invasion. Not a shot will be fired. They'll love it. And the illegal military dictators can save face without needing to die. We'll even get that little guy who looks like a voodoo doctor back in power. What's his name, Aristotle, Aristide, or whatever. Someone should run over to the Watergate to tell him we're going to help him, but don't tell him everything. Everybody wins. It's wonderful.

Wait a minute Bill. There's a New York cabbie I know who says Haiti's problems are economic not political.

Don't bother me with that hearsay now, there are plans to make, scripts and speeches to write, troops and media to alert, briefings to organize, and news leaks to develop, and I've got to get a haircut. See Carter about that economic angle, maybe he can get Habitat For Humanity to do something, or teach the Haitians how to grow peanuts. Besides that, Jesse Helms wants the place for staging the Cuban invasion.

If you want to make yourself useful, get ahold of every Caribbean country that owes us and have them commit to send a contingent of troops to maintain peace after our show is over. I want to promise the public that our boys won't be there long."

Who says history doesn't repeat itself? Or that weapons of mass distraction don't work? Drag it out as long as possible. Keep the people from examining the government's books.