George W. Bush will be assassinated by a 96 year old man who had his power chair/scooter rigged for a chemical oxygen iodine laser, the latest weapon so secret security didn’t recognize it. He will say that it was his attempt to rectify things his generation allowed to fester.
Orville Redenbacher will expand alternative energy with a fuel that pops while you drive.
The federal government and their news lackeys will continue to tell us that the economy and job situations are doing well and that we are tentatively plunging forward while things like their own payroll taxes come in with less than the last two years when they told us the same thing.
Our government will offer amnesty and citizenship to people who broke our laws by sneaking across borders, particularly if they managed to get away with it for a sufficient length of time, pay a fine, promise to learn our language, wear American flag clothing, give up Cinco de Mayo in favor of celebrations on July 4th, and start paying taxes. (Congress only needs to decide which, if any, political party is to get the credit and the new voters)
The housing bubble will burst causing wealthy investors to turn to gold and pushing it over $1,000 an ounce. Middle class investors who played follow-the-leader will lose their retirement money and sell property for practically nothing to immigrants provided special mortgage advantages by banks and the government.
Pension plans will become something from “the good old days” while being extinguished or cut back to poverty levels. Oh well, with time to reflect too many old people end up attacking the government anyway, and everyone knows that isn't nice. The federal government’s retirement and health care plans will, however, continue to prosper with eight-to-one in matching funds and phony "trusts" all brought to them through the support and exploitation of every taxpayer in the nation.
Japan and China, plus a few other countries, will decide that it’s futile to continue loaning the United States money; that they are cutting this welfare program because the American people cannot afford to pay them back; that the dollar has fallen too far in value; and that there are better places to invest and sell their products. Two cars in every garage, better toilets, and five cent cigars will become India’s slogans.
Our facility in Guantanamo will be upgraded and expanded to include torture chamber ideas borrowed from the Marquis de Sade under publicity that we still need to protect the Windward Passage from pirates and those attempting to enter our country illegally.
Family values will stimulate Laura Bush to begin reforming our educational system with an emphasis on white cotton uniforms, straw hats, pants cut off at the knees, and hoes so children can learn to work in the rice paddies alongside their parents.
President Bush’s final act will be to release the two “nucular” red button dead-man switches that he has been carrying under his armpits. Even in death "the decider" determines your fate.
Stanley Kubrick’s film “Dr. Strangelove” will finally premiere on movie channels as “we meet again” with nuclear fallout and oblivion. Popcorn and beer will be free while they last.
The earth will be blown off its axis and global warming will cease to be an issue.