The first paragraph read: "WASHINGTON—The White House budget chief warned top congressional Republicans on Friday that the Social Security surplus is on the track to be tapped for other programs this year, a politically perilous event that President Bush and lawmakers in both parties have promised to avoid."

On the same day, the Taxpayers Union for Financial Freedom (www.get-tuff.com) published an article titled: ":Year End Fiscal Party Cancelled."

This article chronicled the wide spread disappointment in Washington, and particularly the White House, over the cancellation of the usual end of the fiscal year party. A celebration where everyone meets around the pile of Social Security profits set aside, dancing and drinking champagne, until Treasurer Bill O'Neill dives into and plays in the money while wearing a blue-white-and yellow costume of Scrooge McDuck. Then the doors of the Treasury are thrown open and everyone throws cash to thousands waiting outside with tin cups extended.

Only days before the year-end party was scheduled to occur, the Mother Hubbard syndrome took over. Some bean counter put the dead hand on everything. He pointed to the fact that the "surplus" had already been spent to pay down the national debt. There was no pile this year. The cupboard was bare. The Social Security surplus had been spent as fast as it came in.

In the only way possible to do this, he and other bean counters in his department had been paying-off some of the investor holdings as fast as they matured. And then, they did not schedule Mr. Van Zeck of the Treasury's Bureau of Public Debt to hold open market auctions to immediately replace these securities with new issues. Thus, one side of the national debt was going down. He claimed that they were ordered to do this.

As a result, there's nothing left of the Social Security surplus. More than $100 billion of Social Security's money had been used for this noble purpose.

But the accountant went on to remind everyone that the Social Security Trust Fund had been awarded an equal number of junk bonds. He also reported that more than $70 billion in interest against last year's pile had been added in the same manner. Everyone was free to dive and frolic in these notes of indebtedness, some of which had not yet been rolled over into nonmarketable bonds.

The only difference being, of course, that if they were going to throw these to the public instead of money, then they would have to get all the people outside to first throw them an equal sum of real money to redeem these promissory notes. It's called the Pay-It-Again, Sam plan, with interest.

In a vain effort to try to cheer everyone up, the accountant pointed to the fact that we had not yet reached the end of the fiscal year. There are still days left to the closing. In other words, there was still time to accumulate a smaller pile of money for the party.

Billions in fresh, untouched payroll taxes and other entitlements, are still coming in during these last days. Perhaps there would be enough to finish out the fiscal year in a blaze of glory if they did not apply this remaining money towards reducing the national debt.

Arguments ensued. Many said that this would be going back on a promise. Others said, so what, we used to do it all the time.

Hundreds of news and media people who heard the announcement said that they "didn't get it" and would like to "debrief" the Treasury on this subject, expect a full presidential explanation and another congressional investigation, or at least another commission to study and evaluate the situation.

Meanwhile, the TUFF news outlet followed up on another related story.

Felix Fertilfinger, the CEO of the huge Roadkill Restaurant chain, was being indicted by the Justice Department for absconding with a good chunk of the company's pension fund.

Mr. Fertilfinger's legal counsel argued that the pension fund was still intact and operating smoothly. None of today's pensioners would go without their retirement money. All his client did was borrow a little of the "surplus" generated by these funds in order to pay down the firm's outstanding credit card liabilities. He claimed that there was federal precedent to allow this.

The defense counsel also argued that Mr. Fertilfinger had left IOUs in the pension trust. These IOUs were backed by the full faith and credit of the entire Roadkill company.

On another front, public defenders that have been arguing the case for a gang of New York muggers and purse snatchers mounted a similar defense. They now claim that the accused were merely borrowing money from their victims. That they have the full intention of someday paying the mini-mart back. Defending their territory was a main reason they had organized in the first place and were thrust to the front. And that maintaining the ability to defend their territory against invasion was a birthright, not a crime.

These gangs also claim that there's a federal precedent for what they do.