ADMINISTRATIUM
A major research institute has recently announced the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science. This new element has been tentatively named "Administratium."

Administratium has 1 neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 111 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.

These 312 particles are held together by a force called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.

Since Administratium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected as it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact.

A minute amount of Administratium causes one reaction to take over 4 days to complete, when it would normally take less than a second.

Administratium has a normal half-life of 3 years; it does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization, in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons and assistant deputy neutrons exchange places.

In fact, Administratium's mass will actually increase over time since each reorganization causes some morons to become neutrons forming isodopes.

This characteristic of moron-promotion leads some scientists to speculate that Administratium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as "Critical Morass."

You will know it when you see it.
SOURCE
OF ADMINISTRATIUM
Scientists have released the secret of the source of Administratium; Administratium is refined from a repulsive amorphous material similar to a thick petroleum tar but much more viscous and sticky. This substance is known as Bureaucratite.

Bureaucratite should be avidly avoided as it almost completely freezes progress. Anything unfortunate enough to venture into a deposit of Bureaucratite is instantly trapped and becomes entirely coated with the bituminous mess, although it may take weeks or months to sink out of sight into a deposit. Many creatures, long extinct, have been discovered within such quagmires but better preserved than those found in ice or tar pits.

Extraction from a deposit, should one be so lucky, is always excruciatingly long and painful and rarely completely successfully. Many unfortunates are haunted by innocuous bits of the stuff which always turn up in the most unexpected places and inconvenient times. People unlucky enough to have been exposed to bureaucratite have exhibited dangerously raised blood pressures, heart rates and bodily temperatures along with extremes of emotion.