Monkeys could do it

Let’s face it folks, we could train chimpanzees to sit in Washington and push the red button for Democrat and the blue button for Republican party-line voting. A little Pavlov conditioning and the results wouldn’t be any different from the partisan voting we now get from our human representatives in Congress. (If "pro" is the opposite of "con," what’s the opposite of "progress?")

Have you ever watched the House of Representative on C-Span? There’s seldom a quorum present. On almost every bill where a voice vote is taken, one of the losers rises to "object that a quorum is not present." The entire House then votes "by electronic means." Do you know what that means? Do you understand the mechanics of electronic voting? I don’t.

Does it mean that your representatives have been closely watching and listening to the few speakers who did manage to make it to the floor that day, and that these absentees are now ready to push the appropriate button from their offices, hotels, cars, or the local pub? Or have they merely instructed their secretaries and assistants to push the button for them? Does somebody call them and tell them that it’s time to vote on such-and-such? Does an alarm vibrate in their pant-pocket? Are they even wearing their pants? Do you think this is what our forefathers intended?

If Congress can vote "by electronic means," why can’t we??? In this rapidly expanding age of technology and communication in which telephones and computers handle millions of transmissions, codes, passwords, and instant messages --- why can’t we have a real democracy and vote from home on every issue.

Let our congressmen argue the issues and do their theatrics. We’ll decide if we want to pay attention or vote party-line. In the end, we make the final decisions, not them.

Not too long ago, the media was filled with reports of the evils of belonging to a cult. Some California religious group had committed suicide because they believed a space ship was waiting for their souls behind the comet Hale-Bopp. All major media sternly warned us of the dangers of belonging to a cult.

Today, we live with two of the largest cults that ever existed and we’re told that this is good. This is the way things should be. There isn’t room for more than two political parties.

Any other parties that manage to overcome the enormous red tape and other obstacles meant to exclude them are just a bunch of "fringe elements" or kooks and subversives out to destroy or steal votes from what’s established and better. You can tell that these new groups must be wrong and improper because they don’t have enough money for advertising. Anyone worthwhile would have the support of unions, lobbyists, corporations, political action committees and wealthy vested interests willing to pay millions for their place in line for handouts and favors.

Here we are again, just days away from the opportunity to go to the booth and vote for people who promise you whatever the pollsters told them the people want to hear, and then lambaste their opponents for the same sort of thing they all do if given the chance. These are people with no more intention of carrying out promises than the last bunch elected by a minority of the eligible voting public.

So be certain to carry out your civic responsibility. Hold up your end of the oligarchy. Go to the polls November third. Punch at least one hole in your voting card. If you leave the rest blank, it’s one way of saying "none of the above" to all the rest. Why vote for someone you don’t know or can’t trust anyway? At least, let them know how you feel. An "undervote" ballot will do the trick.

Bring on the monkeys! Some in the oligarchy need relief.