FROM NECK OF THE WOODS by Ed Henry
		..........Neck of the woods, have you ever thought about what that means? It's common enough, Al Roker of the Today Show says it every morning after his weather report "and now, here's what's happening in your neck of the woods." I even wrote Al, thinking that he must know what this means since he uses the words every day and asking him if he knew the derivation of this phrase. No answer, evidently it didn't tweak the interest of he or his staff. Do you know what it means? I've never heard of the body, head, shoulders or arm of the woods, but I hear about the "neck" all the time. Is it some Indian term describing a portion of the woods protruding out like "stick your neck out?" How would that gain the common sense definition of where you are from or your neighborhood, home town, area or life-space (Weltanschauung)? ..........Kids, when the old folks complain about your music and tell you that they can't understand the words—ask them about some of their own old time music. Here's a good one. Ask them what "hut-sut ralston on the Willowa with a balla balla suet" means. ..........When I was a kid, my dad would often pay me a quarter if I could memorize something he would lay on me while sitting in a duck blind, at the doughnut shop or the dinner table. One was a response to "where are you going?" What I memorized was; "downtown, monkey around, see old Harry-ass Harrison, Slim nose Rose, have a ball at Kinky Hall, honky-tonk 'til midnight, haunchy-fraunch 'til daylight, go around kissing everybody, go wake up old granny, have her fix us a hot-toddy, have a cigareet and fall off to sleep. Want to come?" Now, what do you suppose "haunchy-fraunch" means? Is that what we later called "necking" or "making out?" Maybe, it's supposed to be "neck in the woods." I never asked a girl if she wanted to go haunchy-fraunch in the woods. Too bad, it might have worked. ..........Do you like down south Cajun or Creole food? You know, the sort of food relished in the Crescent City or the Bayous of Louisiana. They write songs about it—jambalaYA. One song goes; "Me-oh-my, jam-ba-lie, fil-a gum-bo?" Does anyone have any idea what "file gumbo" is? I looked it up on the Internet, got a recipe, and I still don't know whether it's a soup, stew, casserole or some vegetable that grows in the neck-of-the-woods. ..........In the Bahamas, there are mushrooms the natives refer to as "doobie hats." Doobies are ghosts. If you eat doobie hats, it's said you will suffer hallucinations or "see ghosts." Al Roker is from the island of Great Exuma in the Bahamas, one of my favorite places. Do you think doobie hats grow in the neck-of-the-woods there? ..........I used to tell the natives that if they showed me where the doobie-hats were, I'd help get rid of them. They would show me dog-stops, pull-you-backs or sapidillas, but when I asked about doobie-hats they would just smile slyly and change the subject. Maybe Al won't help because he wants to keep all of the doobie-hats to himself when he goes home on vacation, back to his neck of the woods. ..........The English language is full of inconsistencies, contradictions and puzzles. Linguistics professor Richard Lederer has written several books chock full of amusing faults in our language and its use. For instance, we park in driveways and drive in parkways. Buildings burn up when buildings burn down. How can "slim chance" and "fat chance" mean the same thing? Generals eat in a private mess, while privates eat in a general mess. And who wants to eat in a "mess" anyway? Military intelligence may be an oxymoron, but how in the world did they come up with the word "mess" to describe a location where people dine or at least take nourishment? Maybe "neck of the woods" is a military term. ..........Buckminster Fuller, one of the greatest engineers that ever lived, once told me that there was no such thing as up or down. Bucky said that, because we all live on a sphere, there's really just in and out, in towards the center and out from the surface. Buildings burn out when buildings burn in. You could go to the library and look out "neck of the woods." ..........Make out, fall in, Slim nose Rose, 18 months of soap-opera "Sons & Wives" campaigns, plus court jester commentary—Barnum & Bailey's "Greatest Show On Earth," a 2 and possibly 3 ring circus now playing in your neck of the woods with return engagements every 2 to 4 years. I'm getting totally confused, overloaded and mind boggled. I think of returning to Al's neck of the woods. Maybe, now he'll share the doobie-hats. ..........If you can help with any of these mysteries, please write or call The Rock River Times, 128 N. Church Street, Rockford, IL 61101.