At the very least, we should all carry guns in our cars so we can protect ourselves against those other weapons of mass destruction with their operators talking on cell phones, not paying attention to what they're doing, failing to merge, cutting us off, or subject to fits of road rage.

And how about the town drunk? Doesn't he have the potential to climb into his weapon of mass destruction and do damage to us and our property. Better get rid of him too.

In fact, we could sit outside the local pub or sports bar waiting for drinkers to climb into their weapons of mass destruction before blowing them up. We know they've been drinking or they wouldn't be there in the first place and I don't see any buses or cabs waiting to drive these drinkers home, do you? And how much attention do you really think they pay to that designated driver wishful thinking? Oh well, there's always collateral damage in every war.

Eighteen wheelers, now there's a real problem. These guys are huge and they call themselves "kings of the highway." What kind of imperialistic talk is that and what are we going to do about them? Maybe we should mount rocket launchers or the new C.O.I.L. laser disintegrators on our minivans.

Hey, if you think that you've got problems, I've got a neighbor who's a truck driver, has both a crotch rocket and a pick-up, shoots crows with a b-b gun, and my intelligence sources tell me that when they've been inside his house playing, they've seen many weapons of mass destruction in gun cabinets. On top of that, some years ago he ran over one of the dogs in his driveway. I know that his guns are probably locked up now, but what if he goes off his rocker sometime, wants to kidnap one of my kids, or attacks my property.

Isn't a preemptive strike in order?